Hello, old friends. It is Mallory. I am out from under my rock, and I’d like to chat it up with you.

Oh, I jest. I wasn’t under a rock, I was under a thesis. And then Boston. And moving. At any rate, today was a day to connect with old friends, old soulmates and The Reasons I’m Glad I Never Have to Date Again.

New Old Favorites include Tiffany, who’s still in Boston, but we forgive her. Allison, who has reminded me I need to finish reading Skinny Bitch and kick my blog into higher gear. (Allison’s blog can be found here, and you’d be well-advised to prepare for a good, hard laugh. Her take on life is priceless.) Sarah, who’s an adult now, and moving to Atlanta for business, and Aaron, who can still play a guitar better than any other boy I know.

And, because this won’t make for an awkward conversation when James reads this in an hour– I’ve picked out my wedding dress!

No, I’m not even close to being engaged. No, we haven’t even talked about anything even loosely pertaining to marriage. Yes, he has spent the past two hours playing video games. But, look! J. Crew has BEAUTIFUL GOWNS for NOT A LOT OF MONEY!

This is exciting for me, because I am not two things. 1. I am not one to plan her wedding out ahead of time, and also not one to take risks. Knowing that a brand I know and love will ship me a dress pretty much guaranteed to fit my body without much fuss = confirmation that weddings don’t actually need planning, and that other women fuss unnecessarily, and 2. I am not a girl who expects her father to pay for anything anymore, not even her wedding. I’ve been financially independent too long to foist that off on my father, who still has my mother and sister to worry about.

I’m not getting married. And for this occasion, I’ve selected for you, my Not Getting Married Wedding Outfit! J.Crew is Flash so I can’t swipe the images, but, for your viewing pleasure nonetheless:

The Gown.      The Shoes.    The Bling.

Go ahead. Picture me in the getup. You’re welcome.