I wanted to blog at least once a week this year. Keep everyone up to speed on what I’m up to. Which begs the next question… What day is it? The 6th? Are you sure? You ARE?

… Well, you’re better at this game than I am. Stop rubbing it in.

I start my Masters’ in 5 days. That means my already pressed time is going to be stretched to the limit. It also means that my resolutions I’ve made for the year will be easier and harder to commit to over time.

What is she talking about? To be honest, I barely know. I slept until 11:30am today, because my body refused to wake up. It needed to rest. The real rest. The uninterrupted rest. So I don’t begrudge myself the sleep. But I do need to quickly put into writing what it is I’m trying to accomplish this year, before I let myself off the hook from having resolutions all together.

We all know I have great friends. Best friends. Amazing best friends. We also know that they’re not, you know… here anymore. Maxine will be back in a couple months, but we both get so busy that we never see each other. Christine is still in Arizona. Kristin is all Mommy’d up. They’re my people, and it always makes me long for the past when I think about how much I miss them.

That stops now. Resolution #1: Learn to let go.

I do not have to forfeit my friends to accept that our relationships are all different than the ways they used to be. Not worse, just different. Them not being here has taught me a lot about standing on my own, something you only learn when you  have to wait for a time difference to resolve itself before you can talk to one of your confidants about whether you should or should not be freaking out.

Life may never be the way it used to, with more tequila and less worries. But I’m not the girl I  used to be either. And Mallory Now couldn’t keep up with Mallory of Sophomore Year. She wouldn’t want to. I’m content to be who I’ve become. I like her. I just need to adjust my mind into being her.

Which, yes, is scary. Because without my people here, I’m forging myself for the first time mostly on my own. And trying to pull that off while also figuring out what it means to do that as part of a couple. Cue Resolution #2: No fear.

I get all freaked out when things change. And right now, the thing I need to change is how I personally approach my life. It’s not how I planned it, and that’s GOOD. Had I lived according to my plan, I’d be traveling, taking photographs for National Geographic or Gourmet Magazine. Oh, wait…

The dreams weren’t shortsighted. I love to write, cook, and take photographs. But I’m thrilled and proud that I didn’t limit myself to that trajectory, because look how great my totally-unplanned-for life is now. The problem is that I changed my mind and made different decisions without acclimating my mind to what the effects on the long-term picture looked like.

It’s scary to decide that, instead of traveling the world and seeking adventure and living a life of fast-paced intrigue, I’m good with moving to the suburbs, getting more education and vacationing to Maine for lobster.

I just changed the plan without telling myself. REALLY telling myself. Now I know, and I just have to get on-board.

And that’s it. That’s all she wrote for me, and my goals for the year. I used to make 12. I  used to make 12 small steps a year, and the  bar wasn’t set too high. “Read more.” “Jog.”

This year, I want to take two large bounds. I want to embrace change (not the Skrull kind), and I want to revive the joie-de-vivre I used to have, that has since ebbed to Blind Terror.

The only other thing I may want to add is, Resolution #3: Make new NYC friends. Because I can’t let go of my girls and our old ways without finding new, amazing women to fill the void. I love James, but he’s not The Girls. In that vein, I’ll be having my first Girls’ Dinner Club meal tonight with Allison and Amy.

Here’s to 2010. The Year of No Fear.

-M.