Category: Working Girl

Sep 01

Heeeere, Ducky Ducky!

I woke up today and realized that I feel like I’m behind on Life.

Can you do that? I asked myself. Well… I suppose you can, because it appears as though I have.

It’s surreal, almost– I sit here and I’m watching this amazing life happen around me. Events move past me, through me. I’m there, and then just as quickly, I find myself grinning ear to ear in the aftermath, wondering to myself quietly if this is all some happy, hazy memory. Or maybe a dream.

We had our engagement party this past weekend, hosted by Rosa and Maxine– it was amazing. It was the perfect night, with perfect friends, and perfect weather. It was enchanting.

Now I’ve spent three days with my head against the grindstone, trying to hone and perfect my design skills. I’m revisiting and rehashing and brainstorming on my writing sample. I’ve thought about edits I want to make to the thesis I wrote almost two years ago. My creativity hasn’t been this alive and active in a very, very long time.

It’s exhausting.

And creativity responds very poorly to order. It’s like trying to teach ducks to march in line, on schedule.

This is the first time in my life where I’ve had to create accountability for myself. It’s not something I’ve ever been good with. I’m great at coming up with good ideas and terrible with seeing them through all the way to the end. It’s a lesson that I very quickly need to learn. It’s a lesson that I’m very quickly learning.

Nobody ever bothers to tell you that your mid-20s are full of changes. There’s no manual, no indication that Baby Steps are gone forever, no road signs anywhere that say, “Huge Leaps and Bounds Ahead.”

I’ve produced more work this week than I ever have during any other week in my life. I’m just obliterated, and creatively drained, and completely hazy, and blissfully proud of myself and the steps I’m taking into this crazy new phase of my life. I’m doing my best to restore order– to get all the technicolor ducks into a row.

Until then, please don’t mind the clutter. Or the paint splats on the wall. Or the semi-discombobulated chatter. Or the water fowl.

Good things to come. All good things.

-MM.

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Posted in The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Working Girl

Aug 26

A Good Week

Y’all. I have had a kickass week.

It didn’t start out that way, trust me. The week started with me hating everything, including my body, breakfast cereal and both of the cats. I’ve come a long way since Monday.

But I’m thrilled to announce– quietly, a little timidly– that I’m starting my own company.

You see, the problem with quitting your job and not having a boss and realizing how amazing it is to make your own schedule is that it doesn’t put you on a fast-track back into the work place. Especially when you’re watching your lifelong dreams come true! {Being able to cook dinner whenever I want, for one. Never changing out of pajamas, for another.}

But the problem with being “unemployed” is that it sounds rather bad, doesn’t it? I also have a tendency to get stir crazy, and I can only plan so much Wedding Stuff on a daily basis before I want to insert my pen-knife into my own eyeball. Sorry, paper flowers. It’s not you, it’s me.

The only logical solution I could come up with was to go from being “Unemployed” to being “Self-Employed.” Right! How much better does that sound? Oodles.

Now, I’m announcing this timidly because the licensing approval hasn’t come back from the Department of State quite yet. Apparently, you can’t register your sole proprietorship as an Evil Empire. {At least not without going LLC, and we’re not there yet. Yet.} So we’re labeling it a Creative Media agency instead. Inc.

But. I have a logo, thanks to that ever-supportive Future Husband of mine, and a lot of cheerleaders, thanks to the level of Awesome all my friends and family maintain. Elephant is also very excited that my workstation is down in the basement, as it makes me fair game for snuggles whenever she wants them.

Ladies and gentlemen, the humble beginnings: Moxie World Media, Inc.

I’ll be passing along more information shortly. Posting might be a little light for a couple weeks, until I figure out what the new routine looks like. On the up-side, at least now I have something more interesting to write about than the cats. :)

-MM.

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Posted in Mine All Mine, The Moxie Chronicles., Working Girl

Jul 01

With Distinction.

Someone, somewhere, once said, “There’s a big difference between quitting while you’re ahead, and just quitting.”

That person is very, very smart. They would probably agree that my choices, lately, have strategically played right into their very smart utterance. You’re all, “What? What’s she saying? Metaphor?”

Nope. Literal.

Last Thursday (a week ago today) I put in my notice at Tretorn. My last day will be July 18th. (And Kindle is mostly to blame, and I’ll tell you why later.)

A week later, I type those words and it terrifies me. Mostly because James pointed out that I’ll no longer have insurance, but partially because Going Back To School For Real, Full Time is a very serious undertaking. One that I need to now buckle down and get moving on.

I’m going for my MFA in Creative Writing. This announcement has split people right down the middle, into two schools of reaction. Reaction 1: “You write?” Reaction 2 (of which my mother is the tallest standing member): “Well, kiddo, it’s about damn time.”

If you’re in the first reaction pool… Yes, I write. I like to think I do it rather well. Better, anyway, than I can say I bowl. Also better than I am at doing math in my head.

If you’re in the second reaction pool… Well, I know. And I’m sure you’re also thinking about all the stories I’ve told you, and all the support you’ve shown me, and all the times you wondered why it took me a week to respond to your e-mail, only to get a novella in your inbox, one it took you a week to then read, but you forgive me because it was so excellently written. Let it be known, People of The Second Reaction Pool: I could not have done this without every single one of you, or without every single little nice thing you’ve ever said about me or my writing. (And, sure, some of the mean things. Because it gives me stuff to write about.)

I know what you’re thinking now… But why leave Tretorn?

Well, let’s be really honest here for a second: I was never going to Grow Up to be a retail store manager. I was going to learn how to do my job the best I possibly could, then transition into a corporate setting where I could develop training programs. I wanted to work with Cate Hewett, who has (since her departure from PUMA) morphed from my Professional Mentor into my Life Idol. (Coincidentally, thanks to e-mail, I get to work with Cate anyway, we just chat about writing and getting married, two things that she likes as much as I like.)

Cate left the company. James got the job at Marvel. I learned I was no longer eligible to work on Special Projects for PUMA, and anyway James was not thrilled with the idea of me Globe-Trotting for the first 11 months after we were married.

Fair enough.

But then we also moved to the Suburbs (which is sort of OK, I’m still sorting it all out) and I’m suddenly Getting Married (actively, it’s an active action you take, over the course of 500+ days, that requires a lot of time and thought and feelings about things like doilies and stationary). And then one bad thing happened at work, and then another. And then another, and before I knew it, I suddenly didn’t feel safe there anymore. I felt like I was being attached by people. People who used to be My People. While moving to the suburbs. With my Future-In-Laws. After realizing my professional trajectory with the company was likely not going to happen.

I think “dysphoria” is the proper term for how I felt, though I probably spelled it wrong.

I was quite miserable for quite some time, studying things I would not be using in the career I was no longer going to chase. I was giving up Manhattan, and My Own Space and (most traumatically and recently) My Last Name.

It was a lot. And I was, put simply, good at my job but no longer actively engaged in it. At least not the way I had always been engaged in my work, which is to say that I used to spring out of bed in the morning, thrilled at the prospect that I got to spend the whole day helping people– wait for it– shop for shoes. It, really, was the perfect job for me through this phase of my life.

This is where Kindle comes in. If PUMA wants to blame any one thing on my departure, they should call Kindle Headquarters and give them the business. I put the Kindle App. on my iPhone and LO! Did you know that Public Domain books are free?

I started reading again. I read Around the World in 80 Days. I re-read Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass. I read Sherlock Holmes (almost all of them) and The Wind in the Willows and The Wizard of Oz and Nora Ephron’s I Feel Bad About My Neck.

My imagination yawned… stretched itself out again. Perked up. Asked for some coffee. And then for a pen.

I sat down and wrote for the first time, and I could feel my voice struggle a little to get the words on paper without them feeling clumsy, or bumping into one another in a jostled sort of way. But it was all there, my creativity and my language and my funny, odd sense of humor. My characters, who had I guess been napping all this time, were just as charming and chatty as ever.

I realized that I didn’t want to work in Retail as a Store Manager anymore. I have nothing against Retail, and I’m immensely, incalculably grateful for every single day I was allowed to spend at PUMA. But it is very much time for me to start the next chapter of my life.

So I put in my notice and filled up my Kindle. I’ll worry about insurance later. I have a couple more weeks to figure out how to roll over my 401K. I’m starting from scratch. I thought it’d be a lot more traumatic than it is, but instead, for the first time in a very long time…

… I can hear the breeze whispering stories into my ear, and the clouds take on shapes I’ve been blind to for so long. My heart beats faster when I come up with a really good snippet of dialogue, and my imagination just runs and laughs and spins and jumps. It’s free.

I’m free.

And that’s not all! But, I’m not in a place where I can blow the rest of my plans up to everyone yet. For now, I’m getting applications together and looking for a part time job, where I would like to specialize in Excellent Customer Service.

I’m also giving myself two full weeks off, from July 18- August 1. Because I am so far past Exhausted that I wouldn’t even know the breaking point if I were able to sidle back up next to it.

Yes it’s scary and a little, perhaps, immature. But if I don’t chase my dreams now, I’ll always be too timid. I’m not allowing myself any more space to do things that aren’t specifically What I Love.

Well, What I Love and, also, laundry. Because someone always has to do the laundry.

xo

-M.

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Posted in Book Worm, Domestic DemiGoddess, Mine All Mine, The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Working Girl

Jun 11

Coffee with Kristin

On Tuesday– which ended up being a very rough day– I went in to work at 7:30am. The only other people I know that are already at their computers at that decidedly ungodly hour are my father and Kristin.

I sat in Ground Support, huddled over my coffee, with my eyes pressed shut.

Like magic, I was perched on a stool, sitting in a warmly lit kitchen that smelled like country air and cinnamon, chatting to Kristin while our kids played together. We were older than we are now, our laugh lines deeper and our eyes more full of soul. It was lovely.

The problem with daydreaming is that there’s not much room made for it in Real Life. I had to shake the warm kitchen, swelling with sunshine and laughter. I had to go to work.

Which I did.

But not before buying a second cup of coffee, for Kristin (5 hours away) and told her she had 20 minutes to come claim it or I’d drink it myself.

That second cup of coffee tasted like homesickness, but it made for a great photo.

-M.

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Posted in My People, The Moxie Chronicles., Working Girl

Dec 14

Twenty-four.

I got the big promotion.

I keep rolling that sentence around in my head, like eventually it’ll hit me and this wave of relief at what I accomplished will wash over me. I keep waiting for that. Relief.

Before he left for Miami, Nick (who I will always admire for his unapologetic honesty) told me that what sets me apart an makes me successful as a manager is that tiny tug of fear of failure that I carry with me. He said that’s what sets true leaders apart from would-be’s. The fear, you see, instills an unebbing desire to push for more, greater success.

Fear I certainly have, with my first round of official visits a mere 15 hours away and my Profit and Loss knowledge not quite where I’d like it to be.

“I’m new at this,” I want to remind them. “I’m not trained at all, and my mentors were prepping for your big scary visit, too.”

It’s not invalid– it’s just also not relevant. The reality is that I’m in the pool already, whether I realized we’d be swimming so soon or not, and it’s now up to me to sink or swim.

And it will not get easier. It will become more fluid, I’m sure, and more natural. I have a lot of growing to do, behavioral to curb and best practices that I need to utilize every day, all day.

That’s my job now. To do everything I used to do every day to the best of my ability, only… better, now.

I turned 24 Saturday. Kristin gave me a lifesize cutout of herself. Mom and Grandma criticised everything I said, did and thought.

I’m a college graduate, starting my Masters’, living with the man I love more than anything, and I got the big promotion.

Exhausted, a little overwhelmed and hanging onto my last fraying nerve? Absolutely. But you couldn’t pay me to be anyone else.

You’d have to pry this perfect life of mine out of my cold dead hands. I worked my ass off for 24 years for this taste of success.

I’ll tell you how sweet it is once I’ve survived this week.

-M.

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Posted in Domestic DemiGoddess, Family Shackles, Manhattan Globetrotters, Mine All Mine, My People, The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Warm Fuzzies, Working Girl

Nov 14

Gloom and Rain.

It has been gloomy, but not rainy, and that stresses me out. Gloom does not cause people to buy rainboots, it causes them to buy chocolate. I don’t sell chocolate. I sell rainboots. You see the issues here.

That said, I’ve been eating a whole lot of chocolate, and have myself scaled back on the buying of rain boots. (James has suggested that perhaps 14 pairs is too many. I suggested that he stop suggesting such outrageous things, jerk.)

Everyone is waiting for the Black Friday sales to shop again. Everyone except the Australian tourists, who only want one pair of shoes, and they need it to be functional. They’re all very practical, the Ozzies. I’m a very big fan of them, their direct approach to shopping and their ability to turn it off after finding the pair they love. They all smile. They all laugh and joke. … Maybe if I had a pet kangaroo, I’d be less stressed out. Somehow, I don’t think so.

James got some hurtful news from BuildABear. Not end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it news, but he’s been with the company for five years and he loves what he does, so it’s hard to stay enthusiastic and motivated when, after five years, you’re not given the opportunity to hone your skills at the next level.

And we get it, sometimes there’s no room. If I don’t get the promotion at work, it’s going to be hard, and I’m sure I’ll question what I’m doing, and if I have the talent and skills it takes to run a store. It will be jarring, and I’ll redouble my resolve to improve, to learn, to step up my game. Because I know that another opportunity at another store will be coming down the tube. James doesn’t really have that luxury, unless we move.

So, we’re waiting. We’re having conversations, and he’s going to have conversations with people who can help keep him focused and content. We pep-talked each other last night, gave each other a healthy dose of perspective, and now we’re sort of holding our breath and waiting for the dust to settle again.

I remember being little and the waiting-for-the-dust-to-settle was laced with exuberant anticipation. How long does it take to get to Disneyland? That settling dust was laced with sparkles and fairy powder.

Now it’s all I can’t see where I’m going. This tastes bad. Crap, now we have to do laundry.

We’re in it together, though, and that makes this period of great change for us manageable. I bought the movie UP for us, and I’m going to cook his a special dinner when we get home from Church tonight, and hopefully I’ll have the apartment sorted and cleaned and the cats settled down and the clothes I can part with ready for the clothing drive.

Cause, I love him. And I don’t want him to be all stressed out. And these efforts… they’re what I told my boss’ boss’ boss that I do at work. Focus on the things I can control, identifying solutions there and watching to see how they can affect the bigger picture.

He’s my person, and I love him. Today… that means vacuuming.

-M.

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Posted in My People, The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Working Girl

Nov 12

Meatloaf.

James is the best boyfriend, ever.

I was having a sort of crappy day. Sort of crappy meaning that I kept adding things to my To Do Or Everyone Will Die And Be Fired And Never Get Paid And MUTINY WILL ENSUE list faster than I could cross them off.

I did the schedule for next week five times. The first time it was perfect, except, wrong. And then the three times in the middle, it sucked, but was fine. Then the last time, it was perfect and sucked a lot less. So we kept that one. That one was the winner.

James texted me around 4pm: What would you like for dinner?

Kittens. Boiled. With a side of evil, evil spite.

Meatloaf ok? he asked. Yes, dear. Yes, yes it is. Now, to be fair, James does not know the history of me and meatloaf. My mother made the first Meatloaf Memory that I can recollect. It was inedible. I mean like, fork tines bent. The dog wimpered. The garbage disposal groaned. Mom’s brick meatloaf lives in infamy as one of our touchstone jokes. She still takes the chiding well, two decades later.

James’ was decidedly more delicious.

Now, I’ve been told that I have Paula Deen to thank for this juice hunk of deliciousness. And I did ask him why he didn’t use, oh, a meatloaf pan. “It was big.” Yes, yes it was. But I walked into my apartment after a sorta crappy day at work, and the delicious smell of seasoned ground beef and cheesy goodness and sweet tomato sauce mixed in the air and got me drunk as soon as I opened the door.

This is my perfect boyfriend. That’s my delicious, delicious dinner. It’s the reason why I’m now sitting happily watching Grey’s Anatomy with my evil kitten wrapped around my head on the back of the couch and a very full tummy.

Don’t judge me. It might not look as amazing as something Amy Cao came up with. But it’s PERFEFCT, and if you wanna make something of it, I’ll knock you on your ass and hold you down and tell you all the gory details of my sorta crappy day at work, INCLUDING my payroll matrix woes.

Yeah that’s right. Better that you just move it along. Go look at Amy’s cookies. You’ll feel better.

-M.

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Posted in Domestic DemiGoddess, Family Shackles, I Love NYC, Karmic Gold, Mine All Mine, My People, The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Working Girl

Nov 05

My Own Horn.

Now. I’m not trying to toot my own horn here.

I wake up excited in the morning. There are things to do! And stuff to learn! And food to eat! And people to meet! And work to be done! It’s exciting; I love that every morning I wake up and i’m thrilled to spend another day getting to be me. I don’t know a lot of people who have that.

Especially people who work in retail. It’s hard. And sometimes depressing. And sometimes it feels painfully impossible to meet the high expectations our bosses have for us. And we all want to move up. Now that Nick has moved to Miami, Richie and I are essentially competing for his old spot.

And who knows who will come out ahead. I can’t help feeling a bit like the underdog here, but I’m starry eyed and ambitious and competent. Dedicated and hard working and focused. Educated and enthusiastic and ready and willing to take on this opportunity. So we’ll see. Either way the store will be in good hands.

It’s easy, though, to doubt sometimes. On days like Tuesday and Wednesday when the numbers left a lot to be desired and the team had to look at lots of red marks scribbled on the status board. It’s the nature of the business. We all show up and do our best to show our corporate partners that we’re a solid investment. We believe in our brand. It’s what we’re invested in.

Tonight, I got to fill in a whole column of black numbers. Good black numbers, not numbers that teetered. Numbers I was proud to send to my bosses. I can’t by any stretch take all the credit, even if I was the floor manager today. It’s my team. We’re all a strong, determined crew.

I have an interview tomorrow. Today was my ninth day in a row in the store. I’ve been part of painfully dismal days. I’ve been part of days when we’re doing so well that all we can do is hold on tight and pray not to fall off the ride.

Today, Richie spent the day redesigning the tables in women’s merch, and it looks awesome. He really truly is talented at making environments that are welcoming. And shoppable. I learned a lot from him.

And today I got to crunch numbers after a long stretch and report all good things to my higher ups. I felt like a total rockstar when I left the store.

It almost makes me sad I can’t go in tomorrow and do it all over again. Even if it would be day 10.

… I left a 9 day stretch excited for being able to go in on Sunday. What an awesome feeling.

-M.

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Posted in Karmic Gold, Mine All Mine, The Moxie Chronicles., Working Girl

Nov 04

Things I Can Spare.

He seemed to be in a hurry, the total stranger. He had styled hair and a nice camel-colored houndstooth coat. He looked like he had had a morning like I had had. He wasn’t smiling.

I saw his metrocard reader flash the most unholy of all error messages when he swiped it: INSUFFICIENT FARE. He was going to run very late.

I had a transfer on my card, because I caught the bus this morning. I had enough on my card to get the both of us on the train. So I did. He was turning, a bit wild-eyed, looking for the metrocard vendor, trying to get out of the way. “Sir! Sir!” I called. He turned to look at me. “It’s ok. I’ve got you. Go ahead.”

And I swiped him through. Because I had the extra ride, and I could spare it. I gave a homeless man my last $2 last night because I could spare that, too. I have the blessed good fortune that leaves me with the security of knowing that if I go to the ATM, there’s more money there for me. I choose to live with the belief that if I were running late and my metrocard expired and a stranger was in a position to help, she would. I believe that because I live that way as often as possible.

If you can spare it, say thank you for the blessing and pay it forward.

The stranger looked at me with such genuine surprise and gratitude… His day got better. It’s 9:30 AM and I’ve given that to someone already. Maybe I’m not off to such a bad start, after all.

Seeing the homeless on the streets, suffering through the colder nights and malnutrition… It breaks my heart. I can’t save everyone, but I can try to help.

James and I–me, especially– need to weed out the excess clothing we have laying around our closets and drawers. Cluttering up our floor and hampers and desk chairs and couch.

And then, I’m taking it all straight to the local charities. There are people out there who can benefit from my years of hoarding clothing. There are people out there who can find far more necessity in the garments I take for granted.

And, if we’re being really honest here, most of what I own are all things I can spare.

So it’s time to be thankful for my blessings, then take a look at where others can benefit and pay it forward.

-M.

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Posted in Domestic DemiGoddess, Fashionista, I Love NYC, Karmic Gold, Mine All Mine, Raging Shopaholic, Shoe Love is True Love, The Moxie Chronicles., The Ugly Truth, Warm Fuzzies, Working Girl

Oct 20

Eaten.

My iPhone has eaten three blog posts. More precisely, the WordPress Application has, when it tried to publish posts with fake 3G signal.

Consequently, my phone has been put on time out. At least until I find a way to safely preserve the nuggets of brilliance I tap into it, just for you.

But! A total stranger just caught another total stranger from landing in my lap on the train. So there’s that. And my mother is coming to visit for a couple days starting tomorrow. So I’ve got that going for me too.

And I had dinner with Rosa on Saturday, so I’m all refreshed and reminded that I was once a fabulous spitfire who didn’t let anything but a welcoming committee stand between herself and her dreams. Not a bad little-something to recall. And once you see it again, that perspective, it’s so much easier to forge a path back to that place. She’s my spoonful of sugar, that one.

The blog and I will work out our creative differences. James woke me up with a kiss and a smile, Queen is now singing to me about being a champion and I’m determined to have an awesome week at work.

Dare you to do the same.
-M.

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Posted in Karmic Gold, The Moxie Chronicles., Working Girl

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